i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
