just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
