I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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