Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
