i just wanna soil my oats bro
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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