I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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