Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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