Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
