I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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