Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
