Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
