i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
