I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
