Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
