Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
