I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
