If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
