I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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