He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
