Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
