is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
