I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
