He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
