you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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