i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
