I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
