he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
