6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
