U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
