smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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