What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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