Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just google imaged poop.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize