That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
