i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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