So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
