Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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