Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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