If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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