my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
organizing the empties. That sober.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
