I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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