I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
PANTIES FOUND
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
