Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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