so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
