i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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