today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
