i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
