I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
