So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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