I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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