on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
