I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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