Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
