all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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