The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
