I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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