so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
