Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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