she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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