hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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