Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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