you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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