I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
