Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
