Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
