We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
