I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
