Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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