I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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